He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize