i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize