My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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