Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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