Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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