well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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