I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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