I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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