apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize