Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
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Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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