And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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