I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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