I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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