I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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