I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found puke in my bra..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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