I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize