Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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