his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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