Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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