i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize