the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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