She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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