What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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