he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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