I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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