I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize