It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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