Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize