3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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