Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize