We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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