can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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