Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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