I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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