i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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