I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
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I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had sex on a roof
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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