the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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