Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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