This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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