don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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