i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize