Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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