I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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