Ambien. No doubt about it.
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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