Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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