That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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