Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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