As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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