I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize