perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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